A Week With the Red Team
by KatHarkness-Katara
Summary: For the Red Team Marvel Week on Tumblr. A series of prompts for the group of Spiderman, Daredevil and Deadpool.
1. Chapter 1: Daily Life

**A Week With Red Team Chapter 1 Daily Life**

"Hey, baby boy, the jury's back!"

Peter jerked his head up as Wade's elbow impacted his abdomen. The science journal he'd been reading fell to the floor.

"Thanks very much Wade," he hissed. "You know the library hates it when these are returned all ruffled. Or with footprints. Or taco sauce."

"Court to order," the judge announced. Peter listened to her go through the proper rituals for receiving a verdict, but focussed on the defence attorney.

"We find in favour of the defence."

Peter only just got his hand over Wade's mouth in time to contain the whoop of victory. "Calm down, or we'll get thrown out. Again," he hissed, but he was grinning widely.

Peter picked up his journal, and packed it away in his bag. He'd brought a supply with him because there was no telling how long the jury would take in their deliberations. It was good that they'd made the right decision. Because the defence attorney only defended the innocent.

Said lawyer paused as he passed them on the way out. "Please don't cause any more chaos in my court rooms," he begged.

Peter kept grinning. "You know us, Matt."

"That's what I'm afraid of," Matt Murdock smirked.

Wade let out a mock gasp of horror. "Don't you trust us?"

"This is the sixth time you've come to see me win a case, and of the last five times, twice you were thrown out, and the other three, Peter had to drag you out, Wade, before you got thrown out. And I'm fairly sure you've tried to sneak in to watch me enough times to be on the security guys' radar as a terrorist suspect. You're lucky SHIELD bounces those reports."

"Uh…dinner's on me?" Wade offered. "You, me, baby boy, your bud Foggy and your lovely secretary. Taco Bell."

"Would it be anywhere else?" Matt asked rhetorically. "We'll be there. Give us an hour."

"Just so long as you come," Peter smiled. "We missed your company. Been working so hard." He lowered his voice to a scarcely-audible whisper. "Got something fun on the streets, too. Wade heard a Ranshakov cousin's moving in."

Matt smirked. "I look forward to it."

 **AN: This is for the Marvel Red Team Week event on Tumblr. My usual stuff is flowing like syrup, so it'll be a little longer. Hopefully it won't be too long.**


	2. Chapter 2: Alternate Universe

**A Week With Red Team Chapter 2 Alternate Universe**

"You said we were teleporting to the Russians!"

"It was a little mistake, that's all!"

"I'm not hearing heartbeats, I'm smelling a lot of rotting flesh, and I'm seriously confused by all the weird oozy sounds!"

"You ever watch zombie flicks before those blues of yours went cloudy?"

" _Not on the streets, Deadpool!_ " Daredevil hissed. "And no. Dad's work filled my blood quota."

"Most preteens aren't allowed to watch horror movies," Spiderman pointed out. "What he's failing to tell you, Double D, is that the ravenous horde trying to smash us up appears to be zombies."

"So I'm okay to crush their skulls?"

"You know me, sexy devil, I always think it's okay to crush skulls."

" _No_ , Deadpool; usually crushing skulls is _bad_. Daredevil, I reckon you're fine."

"My sticks will stink for a year."

"Hey, teleport's rebooted, if you want outta here."

"Oh yes please."

* * *

"Spiderman, Daredevil, freeze!"

The trio froze at Captain America's voice. "Cap?!" Spiderman squeaked.

"On the ground," Captain America said firmly. "Don't think the new suits'll fool me. Deadpool, cuff 'em."

"What?" Deadpool asked. "Uh, I'm completely lost here…"

"New York, 58th and 12th, edge of the Kitchen," Daredevil muttered. "But it's a bit…off."

"Cap? These aren't new suits…" Spiderman said hesitantly.

"Well they're not the ones you were wearing during your takeover of Fisk's operation," Captain America snarled. "Deadpool, what are you waiting for?"

"Wait," Daredevil said. "We'll stand down, okay? Spiderman, Deadpool, follow my lead." He carefully stepped aside, raising his hands to lace his fingers behind his head, and slowly knelt. He heard the echoes of Spiderman and Deadpool doing the same, and Captain America's hear beating a quick rhythm of confusion and suspicion. "Can we ask you a few questions?" Daredevil asked.

"What are you playing at?" Captain America asked. "Why are you surrendering so easily?"

"We don't want to fight you," Daredevil assured him. The Captain's body gave off waves of scepticism. "You don't believe me. But you want to bring us in, not kill us, don't you?"

"There are better options than murder," Captain America answered.

"Please tell me you don't want to kill us if you don't have to," Daredevil whispered. His focus narrowed down, to Cap's voice and heart. "The words are important. Please."

"I don't want to kill you if I don't have to," Captain America parroted. His heartbeat remained steady and truthful.

"I believe you," Daredevil nodded. "Deadpool, would you lend the Captain a gun or two to cover us?"

Captain America's heartbeat jumped a little. "Deadpool, could you cover them?"

"What?" Spiderman, Daredevil and Deadpool all said at once.

"You trust _me_ to cover Spiderman and Daredevil?" Deadpool asked.

"I'm still not sure why you want to detain us," Spiderman whined.

"Deadpool, I know you think they're not too bad, but we need to take them into custody," Captain America said.

Daredevil winced. This was giving him a headache. "Captain, do you know Spiderman and Daredevil to have been involved in illegal activities other than vigilantism?"

"You weren't exactly subtle about it," Captain America grunted.

"Please give me a yes or no."

Captain America sighed. "Yes, I know Spiderman and Daredevil to have been involved in illegal activities other than vigilantism."

Truth. "But Deadpool is your…ally? Teammate?"

"He's a SHIELD contractor, on semi-permanent assignment to the Avengers."

"You're telling the truth," Daredevil stated. He rocked back on his heels. "Are you aware that Deadpool has a teleport?"

"Yes, so?"

"Did you know this teleport can go between alternate universes?"

Captain America's heart skipped a beat. "And I suppose you're going to claim to be from an alternate universe?"

"I don't know what's going on in your world, Captain, but we're just interested in getting home."

Spiderman was getting twitchy, and Deadpool had started fingering a knife he kept in a holster tucked behind his katanas.

"You can confirm that, Deadpool?" Captain America asked.

"Yeah, ask the psycho merc," Spiderman whispered in an undertone. Daredevil jerked his head over to approximate a hard stare; they didn't need Captain America to hear that their Deadpool was an insane killer.

"They're good people, Cap," Deadpool confirmed.

"Can we get off our knees now?" Spiderman asked.

"Yeah, I think I know how to get us home now," Deadpool asked.

* * *

"This doesn't look like New York."

"Doesn't smell like it either."

"Hey, you see that ship out there?"

"Yes."

"No."

"That's a British warship. Circa the War for Independence."

"Where have you dumped us _now_?!"

 **AN: Yes it follows from yesterday.**

 **Yes I am still working on the usual stuff.**

 **Yes I'm sorry for the delays.**

 **Enjoy.**


	3. Chapter 3: Angst

**A Week with Red Team Chapter 3 Angst**

"I'm reeeally sorry!"

"Shut up, Wade!"

"It was a complete accident!"

"Seven times in a row?"

"The zombies weren't so bad."

"They smelt absolutely foul."

"They didn't look too pretty either."

"But they didn't hurt us that much. And you, Matty, you were able to talk Cap out of arresting us."

"Arresting me and Peter."

"Glad we got out of that place, evil-me sounds terrifying."

"And getting caught up in the War of Independence, that was fun."

"Under whose definition?"

"Not mine. I nearly got hit by a cannonball."

"From a war historian's point of view."

"And the one after that-"

"Wade, go away."

"What?"

* * *

"Baby boy and sexy devil hate me."

\ _After the mess we landed them in? Yeah, they hate us._ /

- _It was just a little bitty accident._ -

\ _Seven 'little bitty accidents' in a row? Tends to indicate either carelessness or maliciousness. So they hate us._ /

"I want my sexy devil and my baby boy."

* * *

"I'm getting too old for this, Matty," Peter whined.

"You're only twenty. How are you too old?" Matt held still while Peter stitched up a gash on the back of his leg.

"Five years, and I've seen waaay too much," Peter moaned. "Fighting angry Maori warriors is my limit. I quit."

"The web on your back's dissolved," Matt noted. "Roll on your stomach and I'll clean you up."

"Thanks." Peter tied off the thread, then pulled off his ruined shirt.

"You have a point," Matt said. "Wade can be fun, but when he pulls a stunt like this? It's just unreasonable."

"I just want a plain, boring, semi-normal life," Peter explained. "Class, pics for the Bugle, crime fighting, maybe a bit of snuggling with a boyfriend or two. Is that too much to ask?"

 **AN: I'm not great at writing angst, because I have this unwavering belief that if you're going to write a fiction, you might as well include the fiction that good people usually have happy endings. It will not surprise you to know that I do not follow Game of Thrones.**

 **More tomorrow. I actually managed to get something else written today, but it wasn't a full chapter, so...yeah, still working.**

 **See ya.**


	4. Chapter 4: DateRomantic

**A Week with Red Team Chapter 4 Date/Romantic**

Matt perked up as he identified the footsteps he'd been waiting for. "He's coming," he said. "Heading this way…"

"Thank heaven," Peter whispered.

"He's…just around the block." Matt focused. "He's pausing. Anxious, I think."

"Anxious? Or angry?"

"Can't quite tell. Heart rate picking up…he's coming."

The bell on the door tinkled, and Matt carefully angled his head to 'watch' Wade enter. The mercenary froze in the doorway, before coming over to Matt and Peter.

"I was so afraid you wouldn't come, Wade," Peter said softly.

"Look, I guess it's just to tie things off, right?" Wade said. There was a definite tang of bitterness in his voice. "Nice knowing you two, so if that's all…"

"That's not all, Wade," Matt said sharply. "Sit down, give the waitress your order, and listen."

"I don't need a pity taco," Wade said angrily. "Just a clean break. At least give me that."

"We're not breaking up with you," Peter sighed in exasperation. He gestured to the waitress, and beckoned her over. "This one, this one, and this one, plus the sharing platter," he said, pointing to the menu items rather than trying to wrap his tongue around the Latin American pronunciation.

"Wade, we love you, but we need to talk," Matt said as the waitress scurried off. "Two nights ago was an utter mess."

"These things happen, but around you, they happen far too often," Peter said. "And it's hard on us."

"So, while you still love me, you're dropping me," Wade said morosely.

"Oh for-" Peter yelped, and shut up as the waitress returned with Wade's food. He waited until she left before continuing. "No, you doofus, we're not dropping you, we just occasionally need a little space whenever you do something really outrageous."

"We were angry last night, and said some overly-harsh things," Matt explained. "We. Love. You. It's not the same without you. We're sorry about what we said."

"We didn't really want you to go away," Peter murmured. "It was an overreaction, and I never wanted you to get lost."

"Please forgive us?" Matt whispered.

Wade stared down at the untouched plate of tacos. Then he pushed up the mask beneath his ball cap and grinned. "'Course I forgive you. I mean, I screwed up with the teleport. Your reactions were reasonable enough."

"No, Wade, they weren't," Peter insisted, and Matt laid a hand on his arm to remind him to keep his voice down.

"Wade, you haven't even started your tacos," Matt said quietly. "We hurt you and we shouldn't have. It was a mistake, and we shouldn't have hurt you for it."

"I bet I hurt you two plenty," Wade grumbled, finally tucking in. "Try not to do it again?"

"I promise, I will never knowingly hurt you," Peter assured him.

"Same here," Matt echoed. "I have something for you, if you like?"

"You do?" Wade said, perking up.

"I was planning on saving them for Valentine's Day, but I think now is a good time," Matt said. He reached into his pocket and pulled out three braided bracelets. "Ah, Foggy helped me with the colors," he explained. "The blue is Peter's spandex, the black is Wade's Kevlar, and the red is offcuts I got from Melvin."

Wade took one of the bracelets, admiring the three different colors and textures. "That's so sweet," he murmured. "One for each of us?"

"Three of us together," Peter smiled.

 **AN: I am also bad at writing romance.**

 **Still working.**

 **See ya soon.**

 **Katara**


	5. Chapter 5: Crossover

**A Week with Red Team Chapter 5 Crossover**

 **Author's Note:** **Crossover with Agents of SHIELD. Loosely placed at the end of Season One. I haven't seen Season Two yet, so I'm speculating a little and may be wrong.**

"I'm not sure this is a good idea," Spiderman hissed.

"Not after last time," Daredevil concurred.

"Weasel sorted it, I promise," Deadpool reassured them. "The teleport is working again. I even tested it." He rubbed the slight ridge beneath the wrist of his glove that was his new bracelet. "I promise, I've taken precautions."

"You understand why we're hesitant," Daredevil whispered.

"Yeah, 'course," Deadpool nodded. "C'mon, baby boy, sexy devil."

Deadpool tapped the controls on his teleport, then gestured for Daredevil and Spiderman to take hold. They popped out of existence.

And popped back in in the hangar of an airplane.

Deadpool grabbed his boyfriends' elbows and dragged them behind a black SUV. He pulled out two of his guns, just in case.

Spiderman concentrated. "No immediate danger," he reported.

"No-one in the hold," Daredevil murmured. "There's…one, female, early to mid-twenties, unarmed, smells of chemicals, wearing a lab coat. No-one else on this floor. Upstairs, we have one female, early to mid-twenties, asleep, unarmed. There's something familiar about her, can't place it from here. Two males, also sleeping. One, forties, one small arm near his bed. One, late twenties, several weapons in his vicinity. In the cockpit, one female, thirties, two small arms. She's awake. She and the younger male are the threats here."

"Biggest threats," Deadpool corrected. "Computers?"

"Upstairs, I think," Daredevil answered. "The girl in the next room. It's glass between us, I can't tell what direction she's facing."

Spiderman carefully poked his head around the side of the SUV. He shook his head, and crawled under it instead. "She's facing the other way," he whispered. "Keep quiet, and we should be fine."

He sped out from under the vehicle as Daredevil and Deadpool scurried to the staircase. Deadpool's boot clanged a bit, and Spiderman instinctively jumped and stuck to the ceiling.

"Can't hear anyone waking," Daredevil muttered. "If anything, the girl downstairs is dropping off."

Deadpool nodded, and continued on his way. Spiderman stuck to the ceilings as he crawled through to the other room, Daredevil following.

"Right, let's see what we can do," Spiderman whispered. "I hope this is user-friendly, 'cause I'm not that great at hacking." He ran his hands over the touchscreen on the display table, and a huge array of lights flickered up. Spiderman poked a few of the icons. "I really don't know," he said. "Never seen a system like this before."

An alarm started blaring. Daredevil hissed, and slammed his hands over his ears. Deadpool squeaked, and exchanged one of his guns for a katana. Spiderman ended up on the ceiling again.

An Asian woman came down from the cockpit, and pointed two guns at them. The bedrooms opened, and the occupants came out. The older man had his handgun, and the younger, a black man Spiderman half-recognized, had a rifle. The girl was unarmed. Then another woman stumbled up from the staircase.

Daredevil backed against the wall. He was probably severely disorientated from the alarm, and Deadpool swept in front of him protectively. Spiderman scuttled back to cover them from above.

"Mr Wilson, could you explain the presence of you and your associates on my plane?" the oldest man asked.

"C'mon, Agent Agent, can't a guy slip in to say hi?" Deadpool asked.

The agent sighed. He reached out with his empty hand and shut off the alarm. "Spiderman, Daredevil, you generally act within most of the law. I trust you don't want SHIELD as your enemy?"

"I'd rather not, no," Spiderman snarked.

"Same," Daredevil said.

"You two are no fun sometimes," Deadpool pouted. "Taking over SHIELD could be fun."

"Not happening," Daredevil shot down.

"Well, yeah, it would be fun," Spiderman shrugged. "But if you really want to take down shadow organizations, you could always find yourself a nice Hydra cell. You could probably get away with murder. At least those murders."

The agent sighed again. "Mr Wilson, while you might not mind getting into a firefight with May and Triplett here, I don't think your friends would appreciate it. Put up the weapons, and we can talk."

"Your people will put away the guns?" Daredevil interrupted.

"May will keep one gun out, but it'll be non-lethal," the agent answered.

Daredevil nodded. "Deadpool, put 'em away. Not another firefight."

Deadpool sulked, but holstered the gun and sword.

Agent stuck his handgun in the waistband of his pyjamas, the black guy slung his rifle on his back, and the Asian woman holstered one gun and lowered the other.

"Spiderman, Daredevil, I'm Agent Coulson, current Director of SHIELD," the agent said. "This is Agent May, Agent Triplett, Agent Skye, and Agent Simmons."

"Hi," Spiderman said, dropping down from the ceiling. Daredevil just nodded.

"We're after information on the Ranshakov family," Daredevil said. "We were…borrowing your files."

"Not very well," May muttered.

"I've never used these systems before," Spiderman protested. "I'm sure I'd have worked it out if that alarm didn't go off."

"Not necessarily, people have trouble with our systems," Simmons said.

"Who are the Ranshakovs?" Skye asked. She'd produced a phone and was tapping away at it.

"Russian mafia. Two brothers, Anatoly and Vladimir," Daredevil recounted. "They were the…distribution arm of Fisk's empire, with a side in human trafficking. They were taking a lot of flak when I started interrupting their quotas. One thing led to another, Fisk killed Anatoly, framed me, and used the distraction to blow up their bases. Vladimir was taken out by the cops that night."

"After they besieged you in an abandoned warehouse," Skye noted. "Tell me, which one of you killed that cop? The one who called in your location?"

"He was still alive when I left the warehouse," Daredevil said sharply. "Deadpool heard that a cousin was moving in, possibly to avenge them. Got anything on that?"

"You have no patience," Skye muttered.

"Get on it, Skye," Coulson ordered. "By the way, Spiderman, your identity has been on file since the Lizard incident. Daredevil, you've been recorded as a person of interest for some sixteen years."

Spiderman started. It shouldn't be a surprise that SHIELD knew his identity, or Matt's, but for them to have been watching Matt for sixteen years meant they'd have known about…Stick.

"You knew about that bastard?!" he hissed.

"Spidey, drop it," Daredevil barked.

"We were aware, yes, but the decision was made not to intervene," Coulson replied. "It was thought that you had a need for the training."

"You were POI'd sixteen years ago?" Skye asked. "You must have been a kid! What kind of-"

"Leave it, Mary Sue," Daredevil snapped.

"How the hell do you know that name?!" Skye shrieked. "Nobody knows that, except-"

"You grew up in the same place," Coulson interrupted.

"Did you?" Skye scrutinized Daredevil, who froze. "No way," she breathed. "You can't be- no wonder you hated the alarm."

"Hey, Agent Triplett?" Spiderman said quickly to change the subject. "Anyone ever tell you that you look like Gabe Jones from the Howling Commandoes?"

Triplett startled. "I heard it," he said, but didn't elaborate.

"Skye, focus on getting our friends their information. Triplett, Simmons, feel free to retire," Coulson took over. "Spiderman, Daredevil, perhaps we should discuss your future relationship with SHIELD. May, watch Deadpool."

"You're name's Mary Sue, so does that mean you're impossibly perfect?" Deadpool asked the room in general.

"You wouldn't say that if you were around her going through puberty," Daredevil muttered.

 **AN: I did some estimations. Skye is about four years younger than Matt.**

 **I'm feeling kinda rotten over how long it's taking me to get some work done on my regular stuff, but then, I'm geting a lot of MRT written.**

 **See ya soon.**

 **Katara**


	6. Chapter 6: Dress-Up

**A Week with Red Team Chapter 6 Dress-Up**

"This was a terrible idea," Daredevil hissed.

"You're only realising that _now_?!" Spiderman retorted.

"You're both exaggerating," Deadpool scoffed.

There was a banging on the outside of the shipping container the trio were sheltering in. "Open up!" someone yelled. "NYPD." There was a pause. "We've been ordered not to arrest you."

"We'd rather stay in here a little longer," Spiderman called back. He turned to Daredevil. "They telling the truth?" he whispered.

"Yeah, but not necessarily all of it," Daredevil whispered back. "When you say you've been ordered not to arrest us, does that mean you're gonna obey those orders or try to take us in anyway?" he called.

There was a pause. "Devil, you've beaten up enough of us for us not to want to try."

"That's not an answer," Spiderman yelled back.

"No, we're not going to arrest you," the cop called back. There was some muffled muttering. "Any of you. Not even the mercenary." More mutters. "This time."

"Remind me again, why are we hiding in a shipping container?" Deadpool asked.

"I'm not going out there like this!" Daredevil and Spiderman chorused.

"We got the girls away, and we took out the new Russians," Deadpool pouted. "And you two look so pretty."

"We're dressed as whores," Spiderman hissed through gritted teeth. "I mean, I guess you selling us to Ranshakov Junior did work in getting us to the victims, but I'm still not facing the cops in a miniskirt, halter neck top and fake boobs!"

"I cannot parkour in high heels!" Daredevil hissed. "And you waxed me all over! That hurts! A lot! More than it usually would, which you know!"

"Oh come on, I'm wearing a dress too," Deadpool pouted again.

"Why?" Daredevil asked.

"Couldn't let you two have all the fun."

"This is not fun, this is…completely ridiculous!" Spiderman retorted. "I feel completely exposed."

"Ah, don't worry, I brought your masks," Deadpool reassured him, pulling out Spiderman's mask and one of Daredevil's old black ones.

"Er, are you three okay in there?" one of the cops outside called. "We need to process the crime scene."

Daredevil groaned. "Sergeant Mahoney, could you and your people vacate the crime scene for, I don't know, half an hour or so?"

There was a pause. "Why?" he asked suspiciously.

"So we can sneak out while you're not looking," Spiderman said.

"We need a pick-up, for reasons," Daredevil elaborated. "Deadpool's…lost both his legs."

Deadpool squeaked.

There was some more muffled muttering. "Foul up our crime scene, and I'll put out an alert to get you for interfering," Mahoney answered.

Daredevil sighed in relief. "Now I can call Foggy and get him to bring us some clothes."


	7. Chapter 7: Free Day

**A Week with Red Team Chapter 7 Free Day**

"This is a new one on me. Very new. I didn't think this could even happen."

Matt groaned. "Foggy, please drop this."

"No. Nuh-uh. Not dropping this." Foggy stopped pacing and faced the trio of vigilantes-stroke-superheroes-stroke-occasional mercenaries. "I have done, seen and put up with a lot since I found out my bestie moonlights as a devil. A jailbait boyfriend. A mercenary boyfriend. Both at once. Pretty much anykind of injury imaginable. I have helped you two piece Wade back together after explosive dismemberment. I have watched the pout on Matt's face as one or both of you gets thrown out of the courtroom. But never, _never_ , did I ever imagine I'd get a three am call to pick you up from where you were hiding in a shipping container dressed as prostitutes."

"It was his idea," Matt and Peter chorused, both pointing at Wade.

"And you two went along with it?!"

"It seemed like a good idea," Peter pouted.

"We just…didn't think it through far enough," Matt finished.

"It did work, sorta," Peter continued.

"We just didn't have an extraction plan," Matt concluded.

"Yeah, but I did not need to see the three of you in miniskirts!" Foggy yelled.

Matt turned slowly in Wade's direction. "Wade…when you said you were wearing a dress…were you wearing anything under it?"

"'Course!" Wade protested. "Bra and panties. Obviously."

Matt inched off the sofa. "Obviously."

"Matt," Foggy growled. "If you ever make me do this again, I will take pictures and show Karen."

"Are you sure you want to risk her wanting some of this?" Wade declared, gesturing grandly towards himself, Matt and Peter. "I mean, there's one sexy devil, one baby boy, and of course, me!"

"Class of your own, you are," Peter snarked. "Look, I got a paper due on Monday, and I dare say Matt needs some sleep so he can go to Mass in the morning and spend the afternoon confessing about wearing women's clothes, so why don't Wade and I go for tacos and let you two besties make up?"

"You know me so well," Matt grinned. "Go on. See you, I don't know. Monday night maybe. I'll text you."

"Sure you don't want to join us?" Wade pouted.

"I'm sure. Off you go." He made a shooing gesture towards the door.

"We're off," Peter grinned. He rose, dropped a kiss on Matt's cheek, then pulled Wade up. "I'm not sure crossdressing actually is a sin, so don't get to upset. Bye."

"Sayonara," Wade called over his shoulder. Peter was more than strong enough to tug him around, and he wasn't gonna be bugging the lawyers any more tonight.

Foggy watched the door close behind them. "I don't know how you can deal with those two."

Matt grinned. "Sometimes you just have to kick them out. The rest of the time, it's a rollercoaster and then some."

"From what you've told be about your week, I can believe it."

 **AN:** **And it's a wrap. A little late finishing, but it's done. Hopefull the regular stuff will be back up soon.**


End file.
